All about Jen Clover Joy

I think I'm going to call this one "the post where I brag all about Jen"  oh--and now that she's officially adopted, Im free to share deets!  Did I ever tell you all about when I first met Jen?  No?  Well Jen came to live with us 4 days after we had "moved" into our current house.  And by "moved" I mean yes, all our worldly possessions were physically inside the walls of our current house but the silverware was nowhere to be found, random pieces of furniture were strewn everywhere, teen girls were staking out bedrooms and demanding lime green and raspberry paint colors and we were eating out of pizza boxes. Oh and because I gave in to the lime green and fushia paint, the other girls rooms were currently in the process of being painted so they were sleeping in sleeping bags in the dining room and living room.  I had actually gotten "the call" on Jen a few weeks before.  Jen was living in a group home and DCFS was looking to move her to a foster home where she could live and hopefully be reunited with her family in the next few months.  I explained to the worker that we were going on vacation out of the country and moving the day we returned but yes, we would love have her.  Well we returned from vacation and started the moving process.  One of our other foster girls had just moved home to be with her family, another one was moving with us to rent our in-law apartment downstairs with her boyfriend and 2 more plus Savannah were moving with us.  And Jen (and 2 more!) were joining us that week we moved in.  When Jen came to the door, she was still wearing her group home "uniform" (ie--work clothes) and I was in running shorts and a huge curly ponytail frantically unpacking boxes in the front room.  Jen told me later that she thought I looked like a "snotty Utah soccer mom" (yeah I know--HA HA HA HA!)  We sat down for a few minutes and her caseworker explained the rules, I introduced myself and talked to Jen about the "rules" and blah blah blah.  "We plan to get her home with her parents in about 3 months" is what I was told.  As the summer progressed, a few more kids moved in (apparently word had gotten out that we had moved into a huge new house and had plenty of room--so yes, in case you are wondering....that's how it alllll started!)  Jen drove me nuts.  She whined, complained, manipulated, snuck cigarettes, lied to me, told me off and had this super messy room that just sent me over the edge.  At one point she demanded that her caseworker move her to a new home where she could be "treated with dignity" (because apparently me grounding her for smoking was taking away her dignity...) and refused to speak to me at times.  She snuck out the window, got in trouble at school and fought with me. Every. Single. Day.  But I always liked her.  Despite all this.  And sometimes we got along.  That that one time in the summer.  We sat around in our front porch gazebo eating carne asada and then Jen had this random idea that I should rat her hair.  And it was awesome.  See?

Not quite sure what the heck is going on here but apparently something to do with hair ratting.....(or maybe hair sniffing by the looks of it?)

One day while Jen was grounded and quietly polishing all the wood on my kitchen cabinets (did I mention that when my girls are grounded we make them clean stuff?) she huffily informed me that she hated living here and we were the "parents from hell" and she would rather be in a detention facility than spend one more second in this "hellhole".  Hubby and I were watching a movie on the living room sofa so I popped my head over the back and called out "well too bad--we like you and you're not moving.  So either behave or get used to cleaning.....its gonna be a long haul"............and she shut her mouth and got used to cleaning.  She cleaned so much.  She cleaned every day after school until she no longer attended school and I was stuck home schooling her.  And then she did school work for half the day at the kitchen table and then cleaned the other half.  Yeah--that was super pleasant.  But the funny thing is that actually it was.  Pleasant I mean.  Because I got all my errands and shopping done during the day while the girls were at school, I suddenly found myself with a companion.  That was weird.  And the funny thing is that although I dreaded it, I soon began to see how much Jen looked forward to it.  To grocery shopping.  To sitting in the lobby while I attended a court hearing for one of the other kids.  To just being with me.  Always.  I tried to get her to help me in the kitchen.  She left the dishes greasy, broke things and needed step by step instructions to boil water. Drove this type A mama crazy crazy.  And I liked her even more.  We went on a little family weekend trip over school break.....and it was sooo fun!  We went to Park City where we shopped, ate and just hung out in our sweet little ski lodgey condo.  We snuggled and watched old reruns of "Desperate Housewives.  So fun!

Oh and we did what we do best--we shopped.  And shopped, and shopped and shopped some more!  Isn't Jen cute?

  And then.....and THEN bad stuff started going down at school.  We looked into other school options and the only option seemed to be schooling her at home with me.  And so we asked the judge.  And the judge said yes.  And then I felt grounded.  And so I began the task of Jen doing school at home.  I hated it.  OK--WE BOTH hated it.  But then it got easier.  I used to toast a cinnamon raisin bagel while she sat at the kitchen table angrily eyeing her schoolwork.  At first I carried my bagel into the other room and read my emails but soon I found myself sitting next to her to chat as I spread the cream cheese.  And then some days Jen would brew a pot of coffee.  And we chatted.  And lingered at the table chatting until we realized it was 11 am and she needed to get going on her school work and I needed to take a shower and get going. And soon enough it was Halloween.  And Jen carved pumpkins with Savannah.  And they played together so cute. (doncha think they totally look like sisters?)  It was meant to be.

 AND THEN. (and by "then"  I mean like 2 weeks later)   THEN I got the call--THE call that changed all of our lives forever.  Would we like to adopt 3 babies?  Um, yes please!  And so we got 3 babies.  All in diapers.  Rowan was 9 months, Jude 20 months and True was just about to turn 3.  Hubby took a few days off to adjust to the craziness and then back to work he went. And Jen took pictures.
We like to call this first one "mommy the baby dummy"--because I was like "ummmm a baby--guess I'd better get some baby food" and then proceeded to wander the aisles of Target asking other women what size diapers a 9 month old wore........this pic is was taken by Jen in my first moments as a baby dummy.... (ummmm can't 9 month old babies walk?)

We got all 3 babies for minute, then lost Rowan for a bit..........we kept True and Jude in December and then Rowan rejoined our fam in Feb (which I suppose was a good thing because it allowed us some time to get used to the whole "parents of little ones" thing) ....but then we got her back and we officially had 3 little ones.....and Jen snapped another pic.....

  And I was left alone with the 3 babies and Jen--Jen who hated me.  Or so I thought.  Jen who started to take breaks from her school work to help me when there was more than 1 diaper to change.  Jen who jumped up from the table when Rowan started to cry in her little jolly jumper.  Jen who ran to change the kiddie music in the stereo whenever the song ended and Jude started to cry.  Jen who ran out of her room first thing in the morning when she heard me gagging over a poopy blow out diaper at 6 am.......Jen who hurried to switch over the laundry when she heard the ding of the washer cycle ending (because BOY did we have a lot of laundry!), Jen who quickly abandoned her TV show to hurry and stir dinner on the stove while I was bathing the kids so it didn't burn.........Jen who suddenly became more responsible and more and more a part of our family....Jen who stayed up until 2 am the night before the babies adoptions finalized hurrying to finish painting the banner for the front of the house.  Jen who baked 300 brownies for the huge adoption party we had planned.  Jen Jen Jen who worked her way into our hearts and into our family.  Jen who stood up in court and asked the judge to consider letting her stay in foster care with us and not return her to parents whom she knew could not care for her in the way that she needed.  And then Jens' caseworker who asked us if we wanted to consider adopting her.  And then--well ----you all know the rest..........and then we adopted her.  And here she is.  Jennifer Clover Joy Watson. Yup--we let her change her name--well part of it.  (she wanted her name to be Rainbow and although Im all about letting adopted kids have input, I had to put my foot down on that one....)  I did let her have input on her middle names and made sure it "went with" the rest of our kids names...OK OK I've been informed by Jen and Savannah that all my kids have "hippie names" so I went to work on finding just the right "hippie name" for Jen too.   Beautiful, smart, honest, helpful, mature, everything we ever hoped she would be Jen.  We are so proud to be your parents, Jen.  You are a wonderful, shining example of love, acceptance, hope and joy.  We love you so much.  Now keep it up, ya hear??!  We love ya Jen, welcome to the Watson fam, biggest sissy :)

Jumping off the Fosterhood Ship

I've jumped ship many times in my life.   Like that one time I literally jumped off a ship--like a huge hurtling leap into the Carribbean sea (where sharks and scary stuff with teeth live!) off the top of a boat.  It took me most of the day to get up my courage to jump and even when I decided I was gonna jump, I had a few false starts before I finally just charged at the edge of the boat deck and hurl myself off it.  I screamed the entire way down  (really really I did--hubby even videotaped it on his phone way back when video recording on phones was new and hot).  And then I hit the water, plunged down, rose to the surface, spit the salty taste from my mouth, did a few laps around the boat and eventually hung out on the anchor lines.  Like literally.  Hung. On. See?

And then there are those other big jumps. Like jumping into home ownership and that huge responsibility of a mortgage payment. That was a big jump.  A really big one.  For us anyways.  I mean, what if we wanted to say up and move across the country and we couldn't sell our house?  What if I changed my mind 800 times and decided that even though it sounded like a good idea at the time, a 70's fixer wasn't REALLY what I wanted?  What IF we got "stuck" with it?  What if we had major buyers remorse?  What IF, what IF, what IF?  And so we jumped.  Spent every dime we had and moved in.  (and hung beach towels over the windows for the first two weeks because we literally spent every dime we had on the house and had to live on love and ramen noodles until our next paycheck) I was still in college, Eli was in grad school and 2 weeks after closing, the company I worked for went bankrupt.  So I grabbed those anchor lines and regretted jumping.  But when you're already in the water, you just gotta swim.  I graduated a few months later and landed a real GROWN-UP job--like the kind with benefits and Saturdays off.  And then I jumped again--into the amazing world of home renovations (and I'm still out swimming on that one--its never ending).

See that pic?  Thats me--right after the big jump into home ownership.  We had just picked up the keys and already I'd been infected with HGTV ADD--Eli's snapping this pic and Im pointing at those hideous bushes going "ummm these are totally getting ripped out this weekend, right?"  

We took another big jump when I got it in my head that we needed to become foster parents.  Hubby thought I was crazy but I was certain this was right.  And so we jumped.  Ok, I jumped.  Well first I made sure he was on the boat with me, then I gave him a shove and jumped in right behind him.  We finished the licensing process and thought we'd have a little time to get used to the idea, right?  NOPE--14 hours later we were mommy and daddy to 3 kids.  I remember laying in bed the day after they had come to us and listening to them eating fruit loops at 5 am in front of the TV.  Hubby and I looked at each other with sheer panic in our eyes and once again, we jumped.  Right into parenthood.  And those 3 kids in our living room eating fruit loops?  Well fast forward 11 months and we jumped again.  Into adoption.  Our first.  Our baby.  Savannah.  It was an easy jump.  But still a big one.

And since we'd already jumped (and planned to take the parenthood jump again) we took a very necessary jump.  The jump into more mortgage payments.

Six months later we took our HUGEST jump yet--

Through it all we stuck with foster parenting.  It was a jump we had made years ago and stuck with it through all our hugest changes.  And through it all we dealt with the stigma.  The critisism. The fact that our neighbors were scared of our kids and how they felt like because our kids were "foster kids" they would somehow be a bad influence on their kids.   The drama.  The various state workers who didn't support us as parents.  The kids who put us through hell.  The constant change.  The court hearings. Home visits.  Family visits.  Meetings.  And endless therapy appointments.  And through it all, we just did it.  Because it was what we did.  We put up with being midjudged, misrepresented and taken advantage of--because we just did.  

But, I've realized that the reality of it all is that all of us possess faults and wrong-doings.  We are just not willing to admit them.  To see fault in others around us is to see fault in ourselves.  

So, to see fault in others around us and be willing to change that in ourselves does not come across so superior when we understand that being the change we wish to see in the world is actually quite humble and selfless.  Especially when we are approached with patience for those around us who have not yet come to this realization themselves.  We do not think alike.  And we arrive at life's milestone's at different paces--jumping from one jump, one stepping stone to the next.  Sometimes grabbing onto anchor lines and holding on and sometimes falling flat on our face.  

The fosterhood is many different things for different people.  For some, its a way to find their families.  To adopt their children.  For others, its a selfless act of love and devotion towards another human being.  For others, a void in their life they hope to fill.  For some, an act of love they perform.  For another, a community outreach.  For another an act of guilt.  A way to "give back".  And for some--a job.  A duty An obligation.  

The fosterhood is  a tough place to live.  Family is constantly interrupted by "other family", therapist, caseworkers, court hearings, licensors checking to see if you lock up the tylenol and how much square footage your kids bedroom is.  I've begun to see things I don't like in other people.  And in turn, begun to see things I don't like in myself.  We all do things that we're not proud of.  But when you live in the fosterhood--those things....they stare you right in the face.  Make accusations against you.  Make you double check every little thing.  EVERY.  LITTLE. THING.  Right down to the last receipt you spent on your kids school clothing.  It's like a permanent journal written in ink.  And I must say that one of my worst flaws as a human being is my predictability to just JUMP ship when my life changes course.  Just jump.  Into the water.  And look for the anchor lines. Is that such a bad thing?  To step back and evaluate when things change course?  Or should I blame the fosterhood for its obsession with covering butts for fear of being sued by the neglegent parents its attempts to serve?  For the children who get tossed around?  For the foster parents it burns and takes advantage of in the process?  I don't know the answers to this but what I DO know is that from an objective stand point, my answers are quite clear. Like they have always been when I need to take a step back and look at my life.  And what Im doing.  And what it means.  So this is me.  Seeing fault in others.  And in turn- seeing fault in myself.  This is me changing.  This is my jumping the fosterhood ship.  This is me getting back in the water.  And hanging onto those anchor lines.  And to the things that matter most.  

Time flies

This is me--lookin back at pics of my babies and how freakin FAST they are growing up.  Here is True, at age 3 with a head full of corn starch.  She got into the vicks vapo rub and after trying EVERYTHING I could think of to get the grease out of her hair, my smart, science nerd mom suggested corn starch to absorb the grease.  It worked.  At the time I snapped this pic, I was so annoyed.  So tired.  So frustrated. Sleep deprived.  A new mom.  To 3 kids in diapers.  But looking back at it now, I feel anything but annoyed.  Or frustrated.  In fact, I kinda feel sad.  I MISS her in diapers.  Time flies.  It really truly does. I need to slow down.  Slow down and enjoy the ride.  Even when it involves hair full of vicks and vaseline. 

ABC News at 9

It's a Sunday night ritual for me to cut coupons and watch Desperate Housewives.  My girls like to join me.  We eat ice cream.  We cut.  We sort.  We organize.  And we catch up on the drama on Wisteria Lane and then catch an episode or 2 of Sister Wives.  (Hello--we live in UT--we HAVE to watch!)  This evening we were interrupted by a commercial for the upcoming ABC news at 9.  Headline:  "Naked Hiker Strikes Again" while the news anchor described in detail a naked man who police are on the look out for.  Apparently naked man has been hiding in the bushes on a trail and jumping out at hikers.  THIS is what's on the Utah news.  Seriously.  Immediately we all start laughing.  Then silence.  And then THIS conversation happens:

Jen : "um, mom can I go hiking?"
Shelby: "geez Jen there are better ways to get a date ya know"
I freakin LOVE teenagers.  LOVE them!

Stand up Sally

"Lay down Sally and rest here in my arms
Don't you think you want someone to talk to?
I've been trying all night long just to
talk to you"

I took Jen and Savannah to run errands with me and "Lay Down Sally popped up on my ipod while we were driving. And Jen brought up the fact that whoever it is that wants Sally to lay down with him is a total  perv.  So she started singing:

"Stand up Sally--he's tryna touch your boobs
Get right up and get
outta there.
Choose the right Sally
This guy is a total perv"

I was so proud.  I hope when some crepper tells Jen and Savannah to "lay down and talk" that they stand up and get the hell out!

While you were sleeping....

Scene:  True, Jude and Rowan looking over my shoulder while I go thru pics on my computer.  

True: "Hey look--its Savannah sleeping!"

Jude:" Mom, you take pictures of Banana sleeping?"  

And before I can respond, True turns to Jude and Rowan and says: "Sometimes Mommy takes pictures of you while you are sleeping.  Sometimes I take your toys.  And sometimes I keep them."

And that whole coupon thing

So I realize I totally suck at posting my amazing coupon deals.  Well, let me explain.  First of all, I totally slacked all summer at couponing.  My storage room was looking awesome and lets face it--when you have 11 kids, its 95 degrees and there is a pool in your backyard--you do this: (yes I realize I just posted a pic of myself in a bathing suit at an extremely unflattering angle that makes it appear as if I have a double chin)

and eat stuff like this:

And watch your adorable kids like this:

I didn't feel like shopping, couponing or loading up the storage room.  Besides, since I did so awesome we were taking advantage of what we had in there and ignoring shopping.  We picked up our fresh produce at farmers markets each week, had our fresh milk, eggs and bread delivered (yes we have a milkman--how cool is THAT?)  and enjoyed summer.  

BUT the pool is now freezing, fall is coming and its time to get my butt in gear.  HOWEVER my camera sucks.  Hubby promised me a new one.  But then I went ahead and decided it was time to remodel our kitchen so I spend the camera fund.  So I started using my phone BUT apparently my electronics are conspiring against me because it wont upload ANY of the recent photos I've taken.  Including my 12 cent cereal.  LAME.  Sorry no coupon haul pics but stay tuned--the kitchen is almost done and my next purchase is a really awesome camera.  And I can justify that because I have saved a ton on my really awesome coupon hauls.  Right??  RIGHT??  Because really--what is the point of saving money if ya can't spend what ya saved?